Lessons learned on Forgiveness from Karsyn

I used to think I was a patient person. A relatively kind and selfless person for the most part. Then................I had kids. Specifically, I had a strong willed little girl named Karsyn. Throw on top of that a little boy with all sorts of minor but aggravating health issues that wants to be held 24/7, and I have come to a new realization...

I am most definitely NOT a patient person. In fact, if I'm being honest I don't think I could call myself even relatively patient and calm. Add in the lack of sleep over the past three years and the demands that being a full-time stay-at-home-mom (who was finishing up grad school up until the last year), and I have become quite aware of my crazy not-so-calm personality. I never even knew that I had a temper, but it has been made abundantly clear that this is an area in which I need some work.

Yesterday was one of those days where K was moving in super slow speed anytime she was asked to do something (and hyper out of control speed at all other times). Marcus left early for work and was going to be gone helping a friend until late. I had made it through a challenging day full of whining, tantrum throwing (okay, probably coming from myself as much as the kids), errand running, drool wiping, naptime battles, typical kind of day. There had definitely been good moments where we enjoyed our time together, but for whatever reason, I was TIRED. I mean the kind of tired where you don't want to talk to anyone, be asked to do anything for anyone, and certainly don't want to be called back into your kid's room fourteen times for such requests as 'rub lotion on my feet', or 'i need fresh water in my cup'. At some point, I lost it. I yelled at K. In that loud psycho scary mom voice. As soon as I did it, I realized I was wrong and had to ask K for forgiveness. I have to do this often, I'm afraid, so she's used to the drill. I told her that I was wrong and that I was so very sorry. I told her I wanted to ask Jesus for forgiveness and asked her to pray with me. The Spirit of God was in that room with us, and as we laid together in her little bed with me asking for God to forgive me and to help me be a better Mommy, I was in tears. I knew that I had done a pitiful job at raising my kids yesterday and certainly hadn't shown them the love of Christ. When I finished praying Karsyn looked at me and said, "come here, mommy, I want to hold you. I forgive you. I love you".

And that was it. She moved on. She didn't bring it up again. When she woke up this morning she was as excited as ever to see me and to greet me with her good morning kisses and hugs. She didn't question me today about why I chose to lose my temper and yell at her. She didn't tell me that I shouldn't have done that, or that I should know better. She simply forgave me and moved on.

Can I tell you the number of times I've ever acted that way towards her (or many of you I'm afraid)? Karsyn may drive me to the brink of tears with her strong will, but she also modeled for me the way that Christ forgives us each time we go to Him to repent. She exampled the way that I should choose to love others and forgive them.

I am going to strive to love and forgive more like my little girl Karsyn. Why would I want to model myself after a two-year old that throws a tantrum in the floor when she gets the red Skittle instead of the orange one? Because she loves and forgives more like my sweet Jesus than I do (most of the time). I'm so thankful that she can overlook the many, many times I fail miserably as a Mom, and that she loves me just as fiercely as she did before I messed up. What about you? What lessons are your kids, family members, or friends teaching you?