Thank you is not enough

I never really understood  the significance of Mother’s Day…until I became a mother. Because I know what a tiring and sometimes thankless job being a mother actually is, I wanted to take a few minutes to thank some important women in my life.

Momma-

Thank you is not sufficient for all that you have done for me. Thank you for taking care of me when I was unable to do so for myself, thanks for sitting with me in the waiting room at Baptist hospital year after year after year- even though I’m far old enough to do it by myself. You understand that I need you, and so you go with me. I love you for that. Thanks for working so hard while I was growing up so that we could afford dance lessons, braces, cheerleading uniforms, band instruments, basketball shoes, prom dresses, and tuition to a private college. Thanks for always asking questions and for helping me to look at things in a different light when necessary. Thanks for taking care of all of the millions of tasks that need to be done in life and for still answering the questions that I call to ask you now that I should already know the answer for. Thank you for your prayers over the many years and for the times that you reassured me that I “was born to fly” like the country song said. I am so incredibly grateful to have you as a mother. Thanks for all that you do for my kids and for the fun they have when with you.

Dorothy-

Thank you for raising a son that is my whole world. Thanks for the man that you helped him to become and for the values that you instill into him. Thanks for encouraging him to learn all that he could and to care about others. I cannot imagine life without him and am so very grateful for all that you helped him to become. Thank you for the grandmother that you are to K and Mack and for all that you do for them.

There are some amzing other women in my life that have served as a ‘mother’ type figure to me. I am blessed with some of the very best aunts anywhere and am so grateful to have had their support, guidance, love and prayers over the years. What amazing women I get to learn from and be loved by!

My grandmaw that is already in Heaven was the best friend to me and is missed daily. Grandmaw- thanks for always thinking the best of me, for arm scratches and potato soup; for stories at bedtime and ‘parties’ on Saturday nights while we watched HeeHaw. I cannot wait to see you again. I think of you every day and try to keep your memories alive with stories about you to my kids. I know that they would have loved you as much as we all did. Thanks for shaping our family and keeping us all so closely tied together!

My Granny is an amazing woman that inspires me to a greater faith and a greater desire to do hard things. She is a two time cancer survivor, still works at least three days a week, ministers to people every weekend, cooks three meals from scratch a day, keeps a big garden each summer, and keeps our family in order. She is an amazing woman of God and has led us well. Granny- thanks for your determination and for your quiet strength. One day I hope to be like you!

My sister is one of the best mommas I know and I have learned a lot from watching her with her girls. At times she has also been Momma to me and for that, I am grateful. Thanks, Kaley for letting me come and cry in your dorm room when I was homesick, for standing up for me when needed in school and for motivating me to do better!

Ms. Dena- Thank you for taking such excellent care of my kids while I am at work. I have no single doubt that they are better people because of the time that they get to spend with you. Thank you for going above and beyond the regular tasks of ‘babysitting’ and instead choosing to love my children. Thanks for speaking words of truth and life to them and for helping them learn the importance of obeying. I am so grateful for you and how God has woven our lives together. My kids see Jesus in you and there is nothing that is more important that you could do for them.

There are countless other women that have invested their lives in mine. I am so grateful for their influence and their presence in my life. I know that my life may never amount to great things, but I hope that whatever I do, it speaks as a testament to the love and life that each of these amazing women have poured into me.

I love you all!

Mothering is hard...

There is a quote that says, "The moment a child is born, the mother is also born.  She never existed before.  The woman existed, but the mother, never.  A mother is something absolutely new." ~Rajneesh

This is absolutely true for me. I feel like from the time our first child was born, I have been struggling to fulfill the role of mother to my kids. If being completely honest with you I would say that it's been challenging at best and all consuming at worst. 

I have struggled through being a parent more than anything else in my life. I have been driven to my knees in prayer, overwhelmed with fear, and also unimaginably happy. It is the single most difficult thing that I have ever done. It involves sacrificing most everything for the happiness of another...to someone who is utterly and completely dependent upon you.

It means getting up in the middle of the night for the fourth time, even when you have a big day at work the next day. It's staying home with a colicy baby while all of your friends are going to the movies. It  means having your carpets and furniture full of food spill stains and sometimes, runny nose residue. 

But I am learning more and more lately, that is also means learning to love someone more than yourself. It means learning to give to someone that most of the time can't give back and being okay with it.  It means trying to pour every bit of yourself into this little person that may not seem to soak up any of it. 

For me parenting has meant struggling through anxiety and postpartum depression. It's caused me to come to a whole new reliance on an almighty God. A God that has demonstrated for us time and time again how to love our children and each other...by laying down our lives for another. 

God has used this journey in parenting to refine me, to bring to light all sorts of selfishness that I harbor in my heart, and to draw me nearer to Him. I am so very grateful for the lessons He is teaching me day by day and even more grateful that He keeps forgiving me and giving me another chance. 

I can honestly say that being a mother hasn't come easily or naturally for me. In an of myself, I am not enough to do this overwhelming job well. But God is. And I do not walk through this journey alone. 

I believe that children are a heritage from the Lord just as the Bible says and I am so incredibly grateful that He allowed me to be Karsyn's and Mack's mommy. They are the best things that have ever been mine- although I know that they are really His. My prayer is that God will shield them from all of the mistakes that I make and that I will love Him so much that my kids will be drawn to Him. 

As I celebrate my fourth Mother's Day tomorrow, I can honestly say that I am more in love with my kids more than ever before. And more importantly, I'm more in love with my Savior.  

God- use me and my children for Your glory!

For those of you that long to be Mothers and haven't yet been able to, I do not mean to seem insensitive. I know that God has different roles for all of us and that you can still have incredible influence over many lives, whether you are their mother or not. I know several amazing women that have changed the lives of many children around them through their love and support.  Never underestimate the power to changes lives that you have in whatever stage of life you may be in.

Mack...two years in the making!

Mack turned two today.

On one hand it seems like it is impossible that he is already two years old.
On the other, it seems like he has always been a part of our lives.
When he arrived, our world was turned upside down.
He completed our family and makes each day better with his sweet smile and kisses.
So that I can remember this later on, here are some of Mack's favorite things:
-anything to do with Pirates
-'snacks' which he asks for at least 42 times a day
-Juice
-brushing his teeth
-keys- they have to be real keys and not play keys or he won't touch them
-his sword
-his Big Sister "Kaaasyn"
-His blankie and his Buddy (but he always prefers the Buddy with two ears over the one eared Buddy)
-Snuggling on the couch to watch 'my show'

He is a funny, funny kid and makes us laugh each day. He is currently in the stage where if I tell him 'no' at times he will fall down in the floor kicking and screaming. When we don't respond, he will stop, look up to make sure we are paying attention, and then start crying again. He is a dramatic kid. Wonder where he gets that from? Haha. Any of you that know me know the answer to that question!
-He doesn't like bugs at all and if he sees one he runs away screaming. (We are going to have to work on that!)
-He sleeps all night from around 7:30 til about 7:30 or 8:00 each day.
-We aren't really working on potty training at all yet, but when he stays with Ms. Dena he will poop in the potty for her.
-He loves to run but isn't very coordinated at it yet. He almost always has a scraped knee and elbow and often has a bump or bruise on his head.
-He tells me that he is a pirate at least 30 times a day. If we are riding in the car and I tell him to 'hold on tight' he yells back, "I'm a pirate, argggg!". If we are running and playing chase, he yells while running, "I'm a pirate Mommy, arrgggg!". He uses his sword almost all the time and will run straight at me saying "Fight you, fight you!". He is ALL BOY- except when it comes to bugs, lol!
-Whatever he sees Karsyn do, he wants to do. If she is yelling and acting ugly, so is he! If she is saying 'yes, maam' then Mack does too. 

I am so blessed that God gave me this little person to raise. He is strong willed and difficult at times, but we pray every day that God will be able to use him to do great big things for His kingdom. Although he wears me slap.dab.out, I wouldn't trade him for anything or anyone else! Love you, Mack!

Phone Dump

Here are some pictures that I've taken in the last month. Enjoy!

 The kids taking their first real ride in the Jeep.

 Celebrating selling our house with slushies from Sonic

 Naptime with K one afternoon in my room

 Hickory Crawdads game with my school. 

 Daddy 'watching' the kids one night so I could have a break. 

 K at Naganos on our Prom Date Night

 Mack helping Daddy wash the car

K washing up her cars, too!

Love y'all!

10 ways to love!

I found this on Pinterest and thought it was too good not to share with each of you.

Love y'all!

House Update

Yesterday we had the home inspection completed for the house we are purchasing. We were nervous since it's thirty years old that there would be a lot of issues that needed to be fixed. We were pleasantly surprised when the inspector said it's in almost perfect condition! He noted a few minor things such as a drip that leaks from the faucet at times and a loose electrical outlet. But for the most part, it's been taken very good care of. This was a relief and a blessing! Marcus and I aren't known for being very 'handy' when it comes to repair projects, so it's nice to know we aren't walking into a list of things that already need to be fixed. I snapped about one hundred pictures while I was there so that I can start dreaming about how we will set up things in our new home. Here are a few in case you're interested!

If you can't tell, we are wayyyy excited about moving into our new place. We are so grateful for the blessing that God is giving us and want to use this home to serve others and most of all, to serve Him. We have saved for a while to be able to move into a bigger place, and although it is scary taking on a larger mortgage, we are looking forward to making new memories in this home as a family and with our friends.

If anyone has a strong back and a willingness to move boxes, let us know, lol! We have about a month left until the big moving day. I am counting down the days  hours     minutes!

Love y'all!

Prom 2012

Between the proms that I attended as a student and the proms that I have had to attend as a chaperone, I have been to 8. I have gone with friends, with boyfriends, with my husband, and this year, I went with my daughter.

I have fun with Marcus and our proms together were great. But can I tell you the truth, prom with my little girl was the best one yet!

We made it a special evening together...A mommy-Karsyn date as she likes to call it.

First, we got dressed up in her finest 'princess' gown and I let her wear a little make-up. We did a mini-photo shoot and played in the yard for a little while.

This was supposed to be one of those cool jump in the air pictures.

After our photo shoot we went to the Dollar Store to pick up a new crown, and then to dinner at a local Japanese restaurant. I let K have her own plate of rice and 'sauce' (Shrimp sauce) and she got to add as much sauce as she wanted to. She also got a cup of Sprite with a lid and straw which thrilled her little soul!

After dinner we headed to the Prom and I was worried that K was going to be overwhelmed. Umm...not so much. As soon as we entered, she headed straight for the empty dance floor and spent the next 30-40 minutes out there! Most of the time she was the only person dancing but she was loving it! Eventually, another faculty member showed up with his little girl so K and her danced together. My favorite part were when the DJ would play the slow songs and K would ask me to dance with her. I'd scoop her up and hold her and twirl along the dance floor. She would lay her head on my shoulder and at one point even said, "I love being at the ball with you, Mommy".

Prom 2012 was one of my favorite nights with Karsyn, ever.

I know she won't remember it when she is grown, but I will never forget it. We laughed, danced, played, and celebrated together. I just love that girl!