I've never been an angry person, or had trouble controlling my temper. In the past year, however, I've found myself getting angry quicker and quicker...especially with my kids. I'll be in the middle of some sort of battle-of-the-wills with Karsyn and I reach this point where I lose it. I don't mean that I do anything crazy, but sometimes I either yell at her, or I get a really hateful tone. And I HATE that. Sometimes, it's something as little as her spilling a full bowl of cereal and milk while I'm in the middle of about 17 other things and trying to get us out the door on time. I know it's an accident when she does it, but sometimes I just get angry. And I don't understand it. I mean, I am a counselor. I have led group therapy focused around anger management. I don't know where it's coming from, why I'm allowing it to occur, and I have got to put a stop to it.
As soon as I've done, it I realize, and then I sit down, hold her close, and tell her that I'm sorry. We pray together and I ask God to forgive me for losing my temper. In fact, it's happened so many times now that when it does, K looks at me and tells me to 'go tell Jesus you're sorry right now and ask Him to forgive you!". Gracious...how sad that my 2 year old is having to be the calm one!
I have tried to figure out what is going on and why all of the sudden I have such a temper and I just don't know. I don't know where it came from or how it started. Marcus thinks that it's because I'm pretty much with the kids 24/7 and don't really ever have much of a chance to take a break and re-charge. It builds up and then just sort of overflows at times.
I guess I'm posting this because of two things.
1- Please pray for me to be able to overcome this. I refuse to allow my home to turn into a place of frustration and anger.
2- I need advice!~ What have you found that works? How do you stay calm in the face of a very persistent, strong willed 2 year old that knows how to push every button you have (or in the face of any difficult situation?)
Edited In response to the earlier message I received asking me why I chose to blog about this so publicly...
I believe that many of us struggle with the same issues. I also believe that transparency is necessary for real growth to occur. I choose to share the good parts of life with readers so therefore I also choose to share the bad. I want to speak truth and offer a glimpse at what my life really consists of. And for me, that means showing that things aren't always perfect...and I'm okay with that!
Thanks, friends. Love to you all!~