Can I just be honest with you? I'm struggling.
In our Bible study last week one of the women made a comment about how a lot of people in roles in the church simply do them because they want to say "Look at me! Look at me!". Now, I'm not getting into a discussion about that, but her comment made me start looking at how I spend my time...How I focus my efforts...How I am investing my life.
I started this blog originally as a way to share news and pictures about my kids. However, since that time it has evolved into something different. It has become an outlet to share pieces of my heart, to speak about the things God is doing in my life and in my family, to tell of good news, or to give advice on things that have made my life simpler.
But when I sit down and think about it, is part of it so I can say "Look at me! Look at me!"??? I started looking at a lot of the blogs I follow and read daily. They are authored by some A-M-A-Z-I-N-G women who live these lives where everything is organized, they are creating new crafts, running businesses from home, attending conferences where they are the keynote speakers, they are writing books, and the list goes on... Their blogs are followed by thousands of women because of the immeasurable wealth of information they share on their blogs each day. But honestly, sometimes when I sit down and read them, I can get overwhelmed by the perfection of it all.
For example, I just read one a few minutes ago where the author describes her daily schedule. Reading through the things she accomplishes in a day seems like an unattainable goal. She gets up at the crack of dawn and gets fully dressed, fixes her hair and applies makeup. She then proceeds to make a hot breakfast for her entire family, run one of her kids to school, spend an hour EVERY DAY at the gym, come home and cook a made-from-scratch lunch, gives her kids a craft project to do while she blogs and works on her at-home business, she spends an hour doing Bible story time and school lessons with her kids, then they all three kids pitch in to get supper cooked (she says this is her favorite hour of the day), the house spotless, and dinner on the table by the time her husband walks in. Blah. Blah. Blah. Or maybe I should write "Look at her! Look at her!"
Wait. A. Second.
For those of you who are like the author of that blog, please stop reading now.
For the rest of us...GOODNESS GRACIOUS! I felt like she was screaming "Look at me! Look at me!".
Let me tell you what a day looks like for me.
I drag myself out of bed typically about 20-30 minutes later than I had planned. I leave my pajamas on, plop down at the kitchen table for a few minutes of quiet time, then the kids are up and I'm in survival mode. We struggle through til Mack goes down for his morning nap and then I honestly try to get K to "play" by herself for a few minutes so I can clear some of the clutter out of my way in the kitchen. Usually, she won't play and attaches herself firmly beside me so I do the not-so-super-mom job of turning on Dora so that I can get a few minutes of peace.
The rest of the day typically proceeds in this same fashion. We do attempt to do "school time" some days, but more days than not, this isn't a successful endeavor. Honestly, the hour after they wake up from their afternoon nap is quite honestly the worst hour of the day for us (complete opposite of the blog I was mentioned earlier). It usually involves me having to discipline K multiple, multiple times and by the time Marcus walks in the door, we are all desperate for his attention. Life here at the Osborne household is not perfect, or close to it, so let me just share that with you.
No false pretense, no glamorizing how it really is.
Life. Is. Tough.
But you know what, that's just me being real. There are days where we are successful. When the kids have happy hearts, I am able to stick to my cleaning routine, where I think they really listened during Bible story time, and when we can actually get through a trip to the store without a meltdown where people stare at me wondering why I don't manage my kids better. But here's the important part...It doesn't matter to God how spotless my kitchen floor is, whether or not I managed to teach my kids how to spell and write their names, or if I had dinner ready and waiting on Marcus when he got home.
God (THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE) loves me! And friend, He loves you, too!
I don't want this blog to make you stop and say "Look at her! Look at her!". I want to write to you and tell you to "Look to Him!!!!". Anything I do or write on here I want to point to the reason for it all. C H R I S T.
He knows what is in my heart and the things that I attempt to do each day. What matters is that I am trying to fulfill the purpose He has given me, and for this season of my life, that is me raising little disciples to one day love Him, too. Does He want our home to be a calm, safe place where my children and husband can relax and be at peace? Yes, but He also understands that I am not perfect. If I was, I wouldn't need to rely on Him.
If you're like me and spend your time reading blogs by these amazing women, continue to read. Be inspired. But filter it through a lens where you give yourself permission at any time to say "I'm not anything like these women, but in Christ, I AM ENOUGH!".
I may be posting less in the future, because I want each post to be something that causes you to look to Him, or to be something that I feel will help make your life easier. Okay, and maybe a post or two occasionally about my stinkin' cute kids! :)
Love you all!